All Time Best Captions
Final Voting
January, 2003

Go here for the 10 All Time Best Captions


Scoring System
A 1st Place vote nets the entry 10 Points, a 2nd Place vote 9 Points, a 3rd Place vote 8 Points and so forth.  

Tiebreaker: the entry that gets the highest placed single vote wins.  For example, if 2 entries tie with 14 points and one gets a 2nd and 6th Place vote and the other a 3rd and 5th Place vote, the former wins by virtue of it's 2nd Place vote.  If they're still tied, then the entry with the 2 highest placed votes wins and so on, and so on.....

Voters

slyxdexic Octo brainsturgeon Rigono the_real_meeny  do_jazz_2

NewMorphy

jack_nobbledy wjsiddis loser2all westallgaeuer raprocklife

September 4, 1999

Next time, just run the damn squirrel over!
ed_the_vet
69

August 5, 2001

After Joekaliki tested HIV positive, all his previous sexual partners had to be notified by government officials.
Zig
47

October 6, 1999

Retired Hong Kong Times delivery man throws son against door just to keep the old arm in shape.
ed_the_vet
35

November 25, 2001

With the cost of the war on terrorism mounting, the Air Force begins cost cutting measures by replacing million dollar smart bombs with old Ford Pintos.
do_jazz_2
28

December 13, 1999

After complaints from several boyfriends about "the smell," suziss removes her unorthodox IUD.
Zig
26

November 15, 1999

Yes Mother Theresa, there's time for a short one.
the_lag
25

October 17, 1999

The audience is stunned as Garry Kasparov urinates on every piece during match with Judit Polgar.
Omni

23

April 23, 2000

From the group that brought you the music on the caption pyramid page, here's the new single "We're going to annoy the living crap out of you (part 2)."
jack_nobbledy

18

July 15, 2001

A box of Kleenex: $3. A bottle of lotion: $2. Having thousands of people watch your coach spend 10 minutes adjusting things: Priceless.
loser2all
17

August 18, 2002

Look, I'm Lara Croft!
jack_nobbledy
16

November 2, 1999

After its 20th straight year of budget cuts, NASA is beginning to fall behind in the space race.
slyxdexic
16

July 8, 2001

When Bertha died, amidst her rolls were found 3 remote controls, 137 cheetos, and her missing dog, Farley.
loser2all
13

June 9, 2002

When Queen Onoon passed through with her entourage, m0s_def was once again forced to carry her dildo.
loser2all
12

April 7, 2002

Al, you lost.  And, no, I'm not scared.
jack_nobbledy

12

March 12, 2000

Due to budget cuts, the FBI had to scale-down the Witness Protection Program.
m0s_def
10

September 2, 2001

No one was really surprised when Cuoo lept off the truck, announcing his retirement from Islam.
loser2all

9

November 29, 1999

Hillary Clinton's short list of candidates for the the White House Intern job that just opened up.
Zig
9

July 21, 2002

The 4th Annual "I Don't Have a Life" Conference was a little dead until Tyrone busted out the Pepsi.
loser2all
9

January 9, 2000

Joseph and his amazing technicolored condom got all the babes.
Zig
9

March 19, 2000

Bobby Fischer emerges after a long, arduous seclusion in the African Bush.
Rigono
9

January 7, 2001

For Farmer Giles there was only one way to meet the EC milk quota.
jack_nobbledy

9

August 13th, 2000

After his rousing "No one will be left behind" speech, George W. Bush nearly missed the G.O.P train Saturday afternoon.
Rigono
9

January 30, 2000

Morphy is stunned when Raxe reveals that his head can really go up his ass.
Raxe
9

December 26, 1999

No one ever complained to the landlord about lack of heat ever again.
Zig
8

October 7, 2001

: PETC (People for the Ethical Treatment of Chairs) is once again criticized for their 'shock' propoganda photos.
m0s_def
8

April 2, 2000

After a long day of murdering people and stuffing their bodies into blue containers and empty gas cylinders, the Dahmers liked to relax with a pleasant game of Monopoly.
jack_nobbledy
8

April 22, 2001

Jody's wife and child hold a protest, showing the awful bruising that has been inflicted on his ass whilst he's been in prison.
jack_nobbledy
8

June 18, 2000

In the Russian war room, Josef Stalin (left) complains when the German Ambassador Nazi Von Hakenbacken asserts that Stalin's pawns have died of the hunger and cold.
jack_nobbledy
7

September 8, 2002

Quasimodo's feeble understanding of the Vulcan Mind Meld leads to disaster.
Rigono
8

October 28, 2001

If you introduce me to the Chinese as Hop Sing from "Bonanza" even one more time Mr. President.
Rigono
7

October 8, 2000

These girls replaced termites as the leading cause of damage to wood floors.
Beachdude67
7

August 11, 2002

Heavens to Betsy Pookie, and we thought that last rest stop was a real shit hole!
Rigono
7

March 11, 2001

This was the scene moments before the trademark sound of "Klip-Klop, Klip-Klop, Klip-Klop, BANG, Klip-Klop, Klip-Klop, Klip-Klop, BANG" that marks an Amish drive-by shooting.
do_jazz_2
7

September 24, 1999

Chessvad can't hide the London Bridge in his pants as he stars as "Wally" in the all-male sitcom "Leave out the Beaver."
Carwasher
7

March 3, 2002

Honey, is it too much to ask for you to let the dog out and hand me an ice cold WD40 when I come home from a hard day's work?
latteddy
7

October 29, 2000

After the latest debate, Gore was so disconsolate he couldn't even bury his head in his own hands.
jack_nobbledy
6

December 30, 2001

With Mama in rehab, and old one-eye in my cap, I just settled down for a long hit of Jack.
do_jazz_2
6

July 15, 2001

Both of the teams laugh as Bobby gets a "Full Nelson" while having his cup adjusted.
m0s_def
6

April 1, 2001

Clinton's Funeral cemented his reputation as the horniest president in history.
loser2all
6

June 25, 2000

The inspiration for Martin Luther King's less famous 'I had a whore this afternoon' speech.
jack_nobbledy
6

August 18, 1999

Employees of the Year pose for a group shot at Lynches-R-Us.
Omni
6

December 31, 2000

Harvey Shapiro thought he had bagged supper for the entire camp, when in fact all he did was start the biggest wave of anti-semitism since WWII.
Zig
6

April 14, 2002

Knowing Sister Margaret liked to hit the wine during morning mass, the students turned on Mouse Trails option in Control Panel.
do_jazz_2
6

June 18, 2000

In the Russian war room, Josef Stalin (left) complains when the German Ambassador Nazi Von Hakenbacken asserts that Stalin's pawns have died of the hunger and cold.
jack_nobbledy
5

August 27, 2000

Onoon is quickly eliminated during the swimsuit portion of the Queen of the Pyramid contest.
abovetherim_45
5

August 5, 2001

Simon threatens his sheep with taunts of, "mint sauce, mint sauce" to obtain obedience.
Bobbayaro
5

July 21, 2002

Together, they had hacked the FBI, the Department of Defense, and the banking industry, though individually, not one of them could hack it when it came to getting pussy.
Rigono
4

December 20, 1999

I don't know why there's a queue, I've just pissed in this.
jody_blankbec
4

August 12, 1999

Belching flame and smoke, Zsuzsa_Polgar once again attempts her famous version of the Dragon Variation.
turfviking
4

October 17, 1999

I dont think we should play anymore 1/0s on this board, we only got 4 moves this time.
mini_butter
4

May 5, 2002

Shit fire, Ethel, that was one helluva swarm of gnats we just drove through. My face feels raw, my throat hurts, but at least we won't need to stop for lunch!
do_jazz_2
4

August 19, 2001

I'm sorry, your leg does not support Windows 2000. Abort, Retry, Fail?
jack_nobbledy
4

June 25, 2000

After scrupulous examination, Clarence Thomas believes he has finally found the woman who has put pubic hair on his Coke.
Rigono
4

August 18, 1999

I like white here.
chessvad
4

July 29, 2001

You can always pick out the ones that think speed chess involves amphetamines.
Autumnrain
4

May 7, 2000

Caption Pyramid turns into farce as contestants realise that to win, all they have to do is mention one of the judges in a mildly amusing sentence, even though there were far funnier captions ie all of mine, (Mr.Nobbledy admits it himself) which were more worthy winners -thinks man while kissing plane.
jody_blankbec
3

January 28, 2001

And first prize for most disgusting inflatable character in the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade goes to the Manhatten Kennel Club with their entry "Con Air Balloon."
majortom1
3

September 24, 1999

Calvin Klein's best tailor, Chet, shows Beachdude that if he takes in 3 inches in the back, it will make his 1 inch penis look much bigger.
Omni
3

April 28, 2002

Mount 'n Do.
Octocrook
3

June 4, 2000

Rigono, June 4, 2000. Nicaraguan religious zealots protest against the sinfulness of masturbation and oral sex.
Rigono
3

April 7, 2002

The same heart that attacked Dick Cheney now moves in on Bush!
do_jazz_2
3

March 5, 2000

For all you American gals who've had it with muscle-bound beefcake pretty boys -- a mere 67 drachma buys you Gdansk's best selling Lovedoll -- Uncle Bela!!! (pictured here near full inflation)
brainsturgeon
3

March 26, 2000

Turfviking disappears in shame after executing the 'King's Ejaculation Gambit' too early.
carwasher
2

February 27, 2000

Let me help you with your woody, Dear.
suziss
2

April 1, 2001

Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to mourn the passing of Billy, sadly killed by an overdose of Viagra.
jack_nobbledy
2

April 7, 2002

My pappy always told me to wear protection when you get close to the bush.
Octo
1

August 26, 2001

Have you got the car keys?
Bobbayaro
1

August 19, 2001

After a $200million research project, scientist announce that the knee bone is connected to the leg bone.
Bobbayaro
1

November 25, 2001

The motivation behind safety watchdog Ralph Nader's newest book, "The F-16: Unsafe at Any Altitude."
Rigono
1

September 30, 2001

Well, the threesome idea had sounded great over the internet.
loser2all
1

August 26, 2001

So I jumped ship in Hong Kong and made my way over to Tibet. I'm working as a looper (caddie), you know, and pro jock, at a course in the Himalayas...and who do you think they give me? The Dalai Lama Himself. The long flowing robe, the charm....bald...striking...So we pull up to the first tee and I hand him the driver...big hitter the Lama...so he hauls off and whacks one...into a 10,000 foot crevice at the base of a glacier...and he says to me, 'Goonga Galoonga...Goonga, GoongaGaloonga'...so we're finishing up on 18, and the guys gonna stiff me...so I says, 'hey, Lama, how's about a little something, you know, for the effort.' And you know what he says to me...'There will be no money involved...BUT...on your deathbed, you will receive total consciousness'...So I've got that going for me...which is nice.
Abovetherim_45
1



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